When Selah was little, something dark settled over me, something that felt a whole lot like depression.

But one day, I overrode my dizzying dread of leaving home and braved the park with my toddler.

It felt like the top of Everest to me, that 2nd floor of the stone pavilion where we shared Chinese take-out on the fireplace mantel.

I was doing it. I was on the outside, really being a mom. Purple panic bulged my jugular, but I was doing it….

I remember the cold concrete bench stinging through my jeans, and trying not to lunge toward Selah every time she slipped on the playground. I watched, cheering for her with a nervous, fake smile.

Then she grasped a wobbling chain ladder and climbed up, up—It was too risky, more than I could stand so I called out her name—

Selah! Wait!

My voice startled her and she almost fell.

She almost fell because of me….

Depression causes everything to happen in slow motion, but I remember the mental fog lifting long enough for me to see that she was doing fine until I scared her with my own fear.

I resolved right then, I would not teach her to be afraid. I would teach her to be brave and promise to catch her if she falls.

 

 

As I watched her climb and succeed, I felt God sit down next to me and lean in. Far down in my spirit I heard Him telling me… it was time to leave the bench behind and trust The One who upholds me.

It was time to live, upheld.

Because whether I felt like it or not, He was upholding me. It was up to me to live like it.

This is how I would teach Selah to be brave, to teach her she’s upheld.

 

So don’t be afraid, for I’m with you. Don’t anxiously look around, for I am your God. I’ll strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

~ Isaiah 41:9b-10