Sally Anne, You Have Cancer.

 

I have cancer.

On Monday, March 27, I woke from a routine gall bladder surgery groggy, disoriented.

Do you know your name? Can you tell me your birthday?

Anesthesia makes everything distant and dreamlike.

I was barely conscious when my doctor’s voice arrived like an echo… Sally Anne, you have ovarian cancer.

He’s my friend. I’m thankful those words entered me on the voice of a friend.

He said other things, but I don’t remember them. I only remember ovarian cancer.

Cancer…..

Cancer….?

I wasn’t listening to my doctor anymore.

I was reading everything I needed to know from my brother’s face.

I suppose there’s no easy way to tell a family bad news, but the other surgeon had already dropped the announcement on my unsuspecting husband, my waiting family…

Her gall bladder is fine but we did find cancer. She has stage 3 ovarian cancer.

Then a pause.

Reactions.

After waiting a respectful moment, the surgeon asked my husband, Are you Christians?

Merciful Savior…..Yes….

And he took time to place his hand on my Heath’s back and pray brotherly love over him, somehow finding words for which there is no professional training.

I’ve pondered these things in my heart, trying to imagine them, taking in that these moments happen all the time to all kinds of people.

Mamas and brothers bent in half by tears like paper in the rain.

Husbands knelt low, Thank You for my wife… Please save her…

Fathers dusty with pasture work receiving news by phone.

Surely not, my Daddy had said. Surely not.

When the news finally took hold of me, my husband grins telling me this story, I said, Cancer? I have cancer? That’s so inconvenient!

Sounds about right.

I’ve learned a lot the past few weeks about how to handle sensitive information, how quickly the world can run with your sacred things.

How nonchalantly words travel and our nightmares can become tangled and untrue at the mercy of the prayer chain.

I’ve never been good at those moments myself, so I can’t judge anybody.

But I’ve also learned how beautifully Love that has lingered peacefully nearby in friends can explode and mobilize into a Being working as One to provide everything before we’re even able to ask for help.

Love truly is the most powerful force in the universe, and I’ve been astonished by how little noise It makes.

So there’s that.

There will be chemo and cute hats and days longing to feel normal again, but for now I’m relishing getting to witness the God I’ve spent Sundays and showers singing to, knelt hours whispering to, and nights clinging to, show up in colors and wonders and power I couldn’t have imagined.

We’ve been speechless over the details He prepared for us ahead of time.

I’ve never been surer God is Love than I am now.

I’ve never been surer God is Light than I am now.

I’ve never been more awake or grateful than I am now.

The peace that transcends all understanding is a real thing.

It happens like a lightning strike, when a grotesque funnel cloud threatens to swallow everything we know and suck it into nothing, God strikes with blinding might and fills us with peace that makes no sense.

I don’t have faith but what He gives me, so I don’t mind telling you, if it were my children or any other family member or friend who had cancer, God would have to work a whole other kind of miracle in me to bring me this kind of peace, but for now, in this moment, He has done it.

I have so much more to share with you, but for now I just wanted to tell you, all is well.

I have cancer, and all is well.

~

Peace I leave with you; My own peace I give to you. I do not give to you like the world gives. Don’t let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

~ Jesus

 

36 Comments


  1. // Reply

    Sally Anne~

    I just learned of this news today. Your words are powerful and certainly convey the comfort that only the Holy Spirit can bring in situations like the one you are experiencing. I often quote my cousin (a minister) who says, “When God is all you have…He is more than enough.” That is so true. I will be praying for you and your family…and especially precious Selah. Please let me know if you have any specific concerns about her and her daily work/interactions here at school. She is a precious young lady.


    1. // Reply

      Thank you so very, very much for your beautiful encouragement! The quote you shared with me has to be true, and it is, we’re finding out. Thank you for your love for us and especially for our Selah. She’s a tough cookie and I’m thankful you can be my heart in the classroom if you see her struggling in ways I might miss. Thank you again for all you do. Thank you so much for grace.


  2. // Reply

    Sally,
    I’m not a writer or a fine speaker but I know the love of God. I see and hear him in you most every day through your post. Sometimes these trials Come and we ask God “why me Lord?” But then we softly hear “I’m here it’s going to be ok.” And we know our Lord is present. He has a plan and it is always right. Yes we hear cancer and a small spot in US shivers in fear but I know he loves you and cherishes you. We are praying for you and we all love you and your family. You have a light that shines bright in this sinful world let your light over flow in this time. Love from the hydes


    1. // Reply

      Could I love you more? No, I don’t think so. You’re so precious to love on me. Your words are precious, as always. Thank you so very much, sweet friend!


  3. // Reply

    My dear friend Sally Anne – your voice will become louder for His glory! This test will again become a testimony of His Faithfulness, His Goodness, and His Unfailing Love! He loves you with an everlasting love and He is singing over you! Your light shines ever so bright to bring Him Honor and Glory, He knows everything about you, including the number of hair on your head. The devil may have tried to discourage or get you off course but Your Jesus will work ALL things for your good and His Glory! You are His Sally Anne and there is no greater love than this that a man would lay down His life for His friends! I Love You Sweet Sister and I am praying for healing and An overflowing of His Presence to invade every area of your lives! He holds you in the palm is His hand precious lady!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️?


    1. // Reply

      Kim, I love you so much and am so thankful for the way you pray for me! Your prayers are ones I long for, dear friend. Thank you! I love you so! xx


  4. // Reply

    Sally Anne, I love you dearly and I greatly cherish our friendship. We have not seen each other in a long while but I will never forget the first time we met and how I felt the mighty presence of God fill the room and His love and grace flowing through and from you like a fountain of faith the first time I ever heard you pray.
    Also, the time you laid your hands on me and prayed with me for healing over health issues I was having too. God heard your requests and healed me Sally.
    God also gave me the miracle of living through Stage 4 Colorectal Cancer before you and I ever met. I am joining with you sweet friend in claiming and believing God for your miracle as well.
    Again I love and miss you my sweet forever friend.


    1. // Reply

      Reba, you’ve had me in tears today with your precious words! You have such a gift for making people feel loved! I love you so much and so enjoyed getting to care for people with you. Thank you for taking time to encourage me today. It really landed on my heart! xoxo


  5. // Reply

    Sally Anne, I just heard the news this morning. At first, I was very saddened. But after a few minutes of thinking on it and knowing you like I do, my thoughts changed. It brought me joy to know that Christ lives in you, and you are a very strong person. You are right. All IS well. I’m praying for you. If I can do more, please don’t hesitate to let me know. God bless, Jim Grinnell


    1. // Reply

      Jim, only a friend who knows me well can swallow down the bitterness with me and then immediately look forward with joy! Yes, all is well, sweet friend. Thank you for your precious encouragement!


  6. // Reply

    You don’t know me Sallyanne. But you have encouraged me so many times with your writings. I have been following you for a year or more. Since reading this particular blog, I was sadden to hear such news from you. God can and will make something beautiful from this experience. You are not alone in your fight against cancer. So many are fighting. My husband has just started chemo for the 3rd time for pancreatic cancer. First diagnosis was over 11 years ago. I have and will continue to pray for you. May God continue to use you for His service. Sisters in Christ, Katherine


    1. // Reply

      Katherine, thank you so much for your sweet words and for sharing your journey with me. I’ll keep your husband in my heart. Thank you for loving on me today!


  7. // Reply

    So sorry to hear you are going through this. Your words are always so truthful and encouraging. It is amazing how you can share Jesus with others no matter what the situation. Praying for you and knowing that God has you in His hands and has great plans for you.


  8. // Reply

    Sally you have always inspired me with your inner and outer beauty and Christianity within you, but not any as much as your above writing! Gods inner peace is something we all want to feel and you describe it so with hesrtfelt peace! Phil. 4:13 “I can do all things through God who gives me strength” is a scripture I believe in everyday and I want it to be yours in the days to come. We love you and praying for healing by God’d hands! ❤️ Sandy


    1. // Reply

      Thank you so much, Sandy! That Scripture has never been more true than now. Thank you for choosing it as a gift to me! Love you! xoxo


  9. // Reply

    Peace, prayers and love to you and your precious family everyday.


  10. // Reply

    My thoughts, prayers and love are with you and your family. You are a light – thank you for shining for so many … now let us shine our love on you – and let God’s light bathe you in love and comfort and healing. I love you my sister.


  11. // Reply

    I love your writing and that you use this God given gift to encourage others through your own trials. Bless you child of God! To him be the Glory. Prayers for you and your family that you will not waiver and stand strong in this fight! Hugs and love in Jesus name.


  12. // Reply

    I love you. I’ve prayed so hard for you and have had you in my heart.


  13. // Reply

    I know this peace from my own battle a few years back. Not ovarian but eye. So 10 years ago I lost an eye to it but I’m still beliving for healing and an eye that sees again. I know He is good all the time. I also know I’ve been praying for you since I heard and I’m believing for your total healing too. I love you Sally Sunshine.


    1. // Reply

      Wow, I had no idea, Sandra. Thank you for sharing that with me. Your encouragement always lands on me so powerfully! I sure do Love you!


  14. // Reply

    I did not know! That sounds like maybe I should have but I don’t see your smiling face in person these days and hear your twinkling laugh so I did not know. As I contemplate all that the word cancer entails I DO know the words you have written for others will now become yours. Things to savor and reflect on days you don’t feel like writing. Your Christian friends will take you to the throne and lift you up. Someday very soon I will come and see you. Hugs sweet friend.


  15. // Reply

    Praying for God’s healing hand and an abundance of peace!


  16. // Reply

    Thankful for your witness of Him!!


  17. // Reply

    Sally Ann, I am sorry to hear about the cancer. But I know the God who is holding you right now. And I believe that the peace you are feeling now can only come from Him. I will be praying for you and Heath. And of course those precious girls.


  18. // Reply

    You have blessed me so much with your writing, and you continue. You are such a special child of God. I feel honored to know and to be able to pray with my whole heart for you, fervently. My love & hugs to you.


    1. // Reply

      Thank you, Tina! Sometimes I suddenly remember we’ve never even met and that seems so odd. Love you, dear friend!

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