I’m not special!

Those weren’t the words I expected to come out of Etta Rose’s mouth when I scolded her. She’d done something sisterly, but nothing to incite this reaction.

What do you mean, you’re not special?

I was kneeling now, stunned that something so raw was hanging between me and our smallest cherub.

The one we thought we’d never have—the surprise.

She couldn’t be more special, yet she kept repeating it… I’m not special! I do bad, and I’m just not special!

I peered through her glasses—the pretend kind with no lenses—and saw this wasn’t drama. The child truly believed when she makes a mistake, it can mean only one thing: that she’s not special after all.

We mamas know, our children don’t look like us for no reason…They look like us because they are us in many ways…our walking around, breathing insecurities and fears…

I suppose that’s The Lie the first daughter of God failed to ignore, the voice that told her she wasn’t special enough—that she could be more special.

 

The serpent said to the woman…

You would be like God…

~ Genesis 3:5

 

At the beauty shop I closed my eyes and listened to the women around me.

Every conversation was startlingly similar: There’s nothing special about me.

They all cited failures, mistakes, not-good-enoughs about themselves. They were laughing honest, but Etta Rose wasn’t laughing.

She had screamed the sentiments of centuries of women.

It is my most deliberate habit to never, never, ever openly criticize myself in front of my children, but somehow, on my knees looking into Et’s green eyes, I saw the seeds of self-disapproval sprouting, watered by the slightest criticism.

I don’t want that for her.

So how do we protect our daughters from believing they’re not good enough, that any criticism or rejection or missed opportunity doesn’t mean they’re not special?

It occurred to me that what makes us special is the same thing that makes us different.

It’s our differences that make us special.

Generations of girls have been duped into begging, Am I special? while all the while doing everything in their power to be the same as everyone else.

The grown-up, poochie-lip selfies are sad evidence that too many of us have fallen for a delusion.

 

A beautiful woman who shows no discretion

is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.

~ Proverbs 11:22

 

Everyone I look up to is someone unlike anyone else. They’re unique.

This is what I want for my daughters. For myself.

I want to raise daughters who don’t seek approval from other girls, who minister out of their strengths, who own their mistakes, who are confident enough to choose and not just be chosen…

That’s hard.

And that means I have to be different, so someday when their question matures from Am I special, to Am I different? I can answer confidently for both of us…

Yes, my darling, you are.

 

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I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court;

indeed, I do not even judge myself.
 My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.

It is the Lord who judges me.

~ 1 Corinthians 4:3-4